Vintage photos: Love.

Art Shay: Gorgeous Photos of a Sweet Love Story

A Dark Cloud Over Every Holiday Season

I absolutely love this time of year -- with one exception.  Regardless of where I am or what I am doing, I always remember what happened in the couple of days ending November and, of course, December 1.  On December 1, 1997, a freshman at Heath High School fired shots into a prayer group taking place in the lobby right before school began for the day.  He killed three students and injured five others.  I don't like to get into the gory details or the conspiracy theories, including the aftermath, but there are more mostly-accurate details here.

I was in 8th grade at the time.  I had walked through the lobby less than 15 minutes before to get to the middle school behind the high school.  All I remember is that the school was put on lock down with no explanation and we began to hear sirens. Lots of sirens.  At that point I was sitting in algebra class and everyone had stopped pretending to focus.  We figured out what happened from the television in the classroom before anyone on our floor knew what was going on 40 yards away in the high school lobby.  I remember everything about that day: what I was wearing, riding the bus home, calling my mom to assure her that I wasn't hurt, talking to my preacher on the phone for at least an hour and sitting with my parents crying as we all struggled to figure out what exactly had happened.  We held a memorial service at my church that evening.  The father of the shooter, a local attorney, practiced in the same firm as a member of our church.  He and his wife and their daughter showed up at the service.  I remember that it was certainly an exercise in forgiveness and compassion and, for some, restraint, to sit in the same church as the shooter's family.  In that same church in March of that year, the shooter himself and two of the victims attended a lock-in.  It was a strange collision of circumstances that was, at the time innocuous.  Later, it was just too much of a coincidence to fathom, in light of the circumstances.

I remember the hardest part as a young teen was understanding.  My seemingly odd behavior during that time was what I now know to be coping.  My exceedingly supportive parents knew that all along.  I recorded the news every evening, recorded every tribute, the funeral and the news coverage after it was all said and done.  I collected stacks of newspapers.  I don't recall whether I watched the tapes or looked at the newspapers all that often.  I just recall needing something to hold onto so that I could try to understand exactly what had happened.  I think that at some point I just gave up on trying to understand and began praying a lot.

I watched my friends, later my boyfriend, at the time, whose brother had been wounded and all of their friends who were actually there on that day as they attempted to cope as well.  The grieving process went on for years.  It was always the elephant in the room.  It also became a point of contention for many who felt as if their grief was superior to those who were not close enough to the tragedy.  Others didn't care about that and, instead, wanted to pretend as if it didn't happen at all.  Still others, it seemed, wanted to wallow in it and find ways in which to call themselves heroes, clinging to their blood spattered backpacks and t-shirts, once evidence.  Some became hyper-religious.  Some became atheists or agnostic.  Some even pretended to be heroes until they were caught.

However, in some ways, it brought out the best in people.  Students and teachers were cognizant of one another as human beings, which, in turn, forced both to grow up a little.  As for me, I remember coming out of the haze and carrying one thing with me: never forget to tell your family how much you love them.  Every. Day.  I spent a lot of time with my parents and sister in while I was in high school for that reason. There are so many other things that I remember about that day, but the lessons I learned from the aftermath are probably some of the most important ones I've ever learned.

The Great Christmas Tree Battle Begins . . . 


So, we live in Chicago, in a fair-sized apartment.  The problem is that we have little to no storage space.  I'm talking, under beds, two closets and an extra set of drawers.  That's it.  We even store a few things in the trunk of our car when company comes.  Although I think that we manage the space well, it's pretty tough to acquire anything else without getting rid of something.  We try to purge extra clothes on a regular basis.  


The one thing that we do not have to store right now is a Christmas tree.  That is because we don't have one.  We have some ornaments and some tinsel and stockings but no tree.  We have used one from my grandmother for the past few years.  I plan on making good use of that tree again this year since, alas, I believe that I have lost the Christmas tree battle.  My husband is right . . . yes, I mean that.  We don't have the space.  It is another thing to store.  I have not thought about where exactly it would go at the end of the season.  


But. I. really. love. Christmas. 


I have dreamed of having my very own family Christmas tree for years.  I always loved and still adore my parents' 9 foot tree at home.  It is always so lovely and full of great memories.  However, all through undergrad and law school, I couldn't wait to have my own place so that I could have my own full-size tree to decorate.  The problem:  I have been out of law school going on three years now and still have not had my very own tree.  While I understand that these are first-world problems and in the grand scheme of things -- especially with a wonderful trip coming up in the future -- it is not a big deal, I still really would like a tree. 


Seeing my Christmas tree every evening when I come home from work and every morning while I eat breakfast is not a reminder of the Santa Claus parts of Christmas or gifts, or snowmen, etc.  It is a reminder of the season and of the real reason for all of the celebration and anticipation.  (The armadillo ornament that I purchased last fall in San Antonio is on the back of the tree so that it doesn't ruin the sanctity of the tree -- and it's pretty ugly. :) )  It is a visual reminder of family, friends and my faith.  I can do without the presents -- really, I mean it.  I truly have all that I need and want, for that matter.  


I just like the visual reminder.  Here's to hoping that I can still use my favorite substitute for a big tree: my Grandma's long needle artificial pine.  THAT'S  a special tree. 


OKAY . . . so after I drafted this post.  We decorated my Grandma's Christmas tree.  I can be SUCH a brat sometimes!!! 


Note to self: remember this in about a month when I'm searching for New Year's Resolutions. 

SURPRISE!!

I already knew that I had a wonderful husband.  No one needs to remind me because I am reminded every single day.  He's a great human being -- just like my daddy.  


However, my husband has truly topped himself this time.  His schedule ebbs and flows a little more than mine -- mine is more steady with fewer breaks.  Somehow he managed to get a week off in December and decided to surprise me with a vacation.  A small confession: it has always been a secret dream of mine to be surprised with a vacation.  Boy did he surprise me. 


Here were the clues: 

• you need a passport
• you will probably need boots
• and a coat
• and it's going to be REALLY cold
• you won't have access to e-mail or your phone

What would your guess have been?  

Here is mine: Canada 

(Alaska, until the whole passport thing)

No offense to the Canadians, eh, but I did not care to go somewhere even colder than Chicago for vacation.  I think this is more practical than bratty.  Regardless, I did not express my reticence to go to Canada until after I found out that we are going to . . . 

Vienna, Austria 

for reals.  I am so excited.  I haven't been to Europe since 2004, when I studied for a summer in London and traveled to Ireland, France and Wales.  Truly, it was an amazing experience.  

However, this is the first time we've been abroad together, so this trip is extra special.  I love traveling with him, so this should be just as fun as some of our other trips to San Juan, PR; Sanibel Island; Hawaii, etc.  

I feel very blessed with such a wonderful husband and best friend and the chance to take a fantastic trip during a time when Vienna is one of the most Christmas-y places in the world.  

More to come regarding his fantastic plans for us -- 3 shows, a couple of castles, some museums and, I'm sure, at least a 1/3 of the 18+ Christmas Markets in and around the city.  

On social media cleansing

 

At some point during Thanksgiving break, I decided to disappear from social media - notwithstanding this blog.  I am quite sure that the circulation is lower than my thousand friends on FB and Twitter, so no worries here.  I finally got fed up with FB's utter lack of transparency with regard to its privacy settings. After finding that it is next to impossible to "hide" my wall, I just decided to hide everything.  I would deactivate my account but I don't want to spark any rumors when my husband's relationship status changes in his newsfeed and I mysteriously disappear.  Folks, it's that bad.  It has nothing to do with parents or relatives knowing my business.  I tell my parents everything about my life anyway, so that's not it.  There are just certain parts of your life that some people have business knowing and certain parts of your life that no one has business knowing.  

Another thing: My job.  I truly enjoy my job.  Some parts of it are stressful but no parts of it belong on FB. Due to the relative ease of publishing on FB and Twitter, I don't always give every post the thought it deserves.  Although labor laws do protect certain types of communication on social media (and rightfully so), the laws do not extend far enough to cover my post about my preferences or dislike for certain ideas that are completely unrelated to my job.  It is truly better to keep many thoughts to yourself.  So, my withdrawal from social media will likely prevent me from thoughtlessly posting something in the heat of the moment that a person with a cooler head would have thoughtfully kept to herself. 

Another thing:  My church.  I do not believe in being one person at church and being another person the rest of the time.  That being said, I am not perfect.  I like a glass of wine or bourbon as much as the next person.  However, I don't know that everyone I know from Sunday school needs to know that I indulged after a hard day at work (see above explanation, as well) and/or that I went out over the weekend.  The urge to "check-in" has proven much too tempting for me.  I lack a certain self-control when it comes to "checking-in."  

Another thing: Being anti-social.  I discovered after watching myself and my family over Thanksgiving that we have all become so rude.  I have noticed a bit of a change when it comes to dinners with friends in the city and when it comes to religious services, parties, etc.  People have begun to put their phones down -- but they're probably still checking them under the table.  It has got to stop.  That disconnected feeling we all get from time to time is real.  No one really connects any more.  We are all no farther than one buzz, ding or vibration away from being distracting, losing our trains of thought and being truly rude to those around us.  I find myself mindlessly waking up to scroll through a newsfeed to see what my friends did in the 6 hours that I was sleeping.  What?! This has got to be the most futile use of my first waking moments of the day.  It's not even real news!  

Not only that, I've noticed that social media frequently offers one the opportunity to make snarky comments with no immediate consequences.  Some comments are overtly rude, others just comments that exclude people who care enough to feel rejected.  I don't get into this with my own friends but I've seen it happen to others. I am also not immune from making a snarky comment under cover of my Twitter handle to get a laugh.  This, too, is a waste of time.  I'm not necessarily condemning criticism of others or finding humor in the ridiculous social situations that technology provides;  however, what is the point?  I struggle to find much social utility or edification in many of the posts I see on social media.  

Exceptions: Photos and updates regarding friends and their babies/families; social consciousness with some utility; current events; non-profits for the benefit of a worthy cause; educational organizations; urging social and/or political involvement.  This list goes on.  FB, Twitter, Google+, etc. - social media can be used for good.  I just haven't seen a great deal of that on my newsfeed lately.  

The plan: My goal is to avoid social media - except for blogs/blogging -- through Christmas.  I want to see how I use my time and whether I feel the pain of being "uninformed."  I also want to find creative and more productive uses of my time.  I have already cut back a little over the past month.  I find myself blogging more, reading a lot more and spending more time with my husband -- real, focused, quality time (well, let's be honest, some of it involves the Real Housewives . . . ).  

I just want to see what happens when I cut back on the "noise" of social media.  Wish me luck! 

Thankful for . . .

My family's pecan orchard and my dad's superior pie-making abilities. :)

I have the best family ever.

Beautiful Thanksgiving Weekend

I'm thankful for sunshine.